My Super-Ego and its Concerns
By Pedro Pablo Morejon
HAVANA TIMES – A year has drawn to an end, and another is beginning. People congratulate each other God knows what for, some talk about their plans for the new year and they don’t do anything in the end, they just repeat a never-ending cycle.
I know this and I’m afraid. Afraid of falling into the same vicious cycle everyone else falls into. But I live in Cuba and understand that the rules of the game are different here, leaving would be the easiest thing for me to grow, because it doesn’t matter if you have university degrees or professional skills if you don’t have a relative living abroad, you always must learn professions or skills in businesses that are always on the fringes of the Law. Just to survive, or survive a little above the average, which is just as limited, although it’s important to keep fighting.
I’ve not stopped fighting, although I’ve lost my focus a little. Years ago, I set out on making a living from writing, and I’ve realized that it isn’t so easy, that it’s not a matter of writing and publishing a couple of books and everything is resolved.
Books don’t sell, few people read, yet you can make it with some patience and marketing, but then we have to go back to square one: I live in Cuba, I can’t self-publish on Amazon, I can’t open up a YouTube channel and make money from it with time and hard work. I’d have to rely on “someone” who manages everything from abroad, and it sucks to have to rely on someone, and it’s rare for these kinds of endeavors to work out.
Nor can I dream of opening up a law firm and making a living from my expertise in Criminal Law. I’m in Cuba and everything becomes so hard in this goddamn country.
But I shouldn’t make excuses or victimize myself, victims never win. I’m a man and I’m only worth the few grains of rice I’m able to contribute to the world. The world demands results from me.
You have to be a fighter, set objectives and fight for them. A man without goals or a purpose, a man who doesn’t develop himself physically, financially and mentally is condemned to a miserable life, whether that’s here in Cuba or any other place in the world. Life only compensates those who work hard and get results.
My super-ego continues to “pull on my ears”, although it tells me that not everything is bad, I exercise my body and eat healthily. It’s important, I wouldn’t have anything if I weren’t healthy and this isn’t guaranteed forever. 10, 15, 20 years? I stand up straight and I’ll see how long I can go, age is only a number if I take care of myself. For now, I’ll carry on training up my physique and letting go of all my frustration by lifting heavy weights. When I do this and write, God, or the universe, console me.
This year, I should open up the blog I closed down, have my own website, work at creating a community of readers. Not get upset anymore if I don’t have my own computer, if my cellphone is ancient, I’ll work with whatever I have. Living in Cuba is hard, but it can’t be an excuse. Excuses are for the weak and you can’t give yourself this luxury here in Cuba.
I have to fight for now. I already sent all the publishers who don’t pay me to hell, the time will also come when I can self-publish on Amazon and open up a YouTube channel without having to rely on anyone, or practice as a private lawyer.
You have to be a fighter, wait for the right time and enjoy the process. This year, I have to plant seeds. Plant seeds and wait. In the meantime, I’ll live from “hunting and fishing.”