In the Belly

Erasmo Calzadilla

I’m returning to this reoccurring theme that I refuse to abandon, that of trips, of entheogens and heightened consciousness, etc.

During the first years of having discovered that wonderful universe, I only consumed (as now) small doses. I did it to speed up my mind, to unclutter my senses and to have a good time.

But one day an acquaintance with certain experience in the matter told me of an incredible world whose only doors opened up with a heavy blow of de-hallucinogens*.

As rash and curious as I was, I left with my girlfriend of that time to a splendid place in Pinar del Rio Province, where at the foot of an exuberant mogote outcrop we gobbled up all that we could find, which was more than a little. Then it happened: we crossed over.

And what did I find on the other side? Much that was indescribable, yet not all resistant to be described. Something that I could rescue because it was so intense and real, amidst such an inexpressible experience: the sensation of having broken out of a kind of a shell and been born.

The sensation of rebirth is similar to that of waking up in the sense that when you achieve it you are fully certain that it’s reality, and that which occurred previously was perhaps imagery or a confused perception of what truly exists.

Such a world into which I was born was not in fact the metaphysical universe of perfect platonic eidos, but rather a return to the animal kingdom, a return to the immediate, but to an immediacy full of knowledge.

Today, years later, I interpret this and other subsequent crossings in two different ways:

Either it was only the result of my perceptive and cognitive alteration or my rebirth was real, but when the power of the consumed substance dissolved what again crystallized on me was the shell that protects and incubates me.

Perhaps the two interpretations are not at odds, and perhaps one day we can all be reborn.

* Warning: de-hallucinogens, (known as hallucinogens by the great majority of people) are a special type of relatively innocuous substances that are psycho-active for the organism. Nevertheless high doses can cause bodily injuries and even lead directly or indirectly to death, but more likely to irreversible mental disturbances. They can also be harmful (which can end up being serious) to people close to the person who consumes. Because of that I warn against their irresponsible consumption and in high dosages. I also completely urge that minors not engage in their consumption.