Wings and Wishes
HAVANA TIMES – In Cuba, turning fifteen is a kind of rite of passage: the waltz, princess dresses, retouched photos, and a party that leaves parents proud of having been able to “spare no expense.” It’s almost a social script repeated from generation to generation.
I didn’t want “butterfly wings,” a hoop skirt, or a photo video with a cheesy poem in the background. When I turned fifteen, I asked my parents for clothes and shoes—things I could choose myself. They had other plans, which is why in the end there were photos, a dress, and a party.
I ended up posing in front of a camera in La Güira Park and later at the Mirador Hotel in San Diego de los Baños, surrounded by nature, no Photoshop edits, but wearing a pink dress I would never have chosen. There was also a family celebration at home. I understand everything was done with love, but that day was never mine. What I wanted got lost amid so many expectations, and I kept quiet so as not to hurt them.
Time has passed and life has placed me on the other side. My daughter will soon turn fifteen, and I see my reflection in her when she tells me she doesn’t want a party or photos. Months in advance she made a wish list, which I’ve been fulfilling as much as I can, with the help of generous hearts who extended a hand. Only thing is, for my mother, “without photos and a party, there’s no fifteenth birthday.”
Here, other people’s opinions carry more weight than they should. A fifteen-year-old who doesn’t fit tradition is judged harshly. The pressure is real, and in the end you weigh it all—your wallet and your conscience.
Am I a bad mother for listening to my daughter and setting tradition aside? Or should I ignore her wishes to please everyone else? I’m certain of one thing: I don’t want for her the same resigned silence I kept for myself.
I’ve decided to look for middle ground, something that leaves everyone content: a few simple photos in a place that makes her feel free. A small, intimate, outdoor celebration. That way my mother will have her memories, my daughter won’t be forced into experiences she doesn’t want, and I’ll still have enough left to keep crossing wishes off her list—because it’s her day, and that’s what she wants.
Turning fifteen should be a date for the honoree, not a fairground for everyone else. What matters is that she feels the day belongs to her and celebrates it freely. As a mother, I think that’s the best gift I can give her.
Read more from the diary of Fabiana del Valle here on Havana Times.