Surrogate Mothers: Another Reality of Nicaraguan Migration
Older daughters take on the role of mother when their mother migrates in search of better economic opportunities.
HAVANA TIMES – The migratory exodus that Nicaragua has experienced over the past six years, as well as in previous years, continues to directly impact the lives of “those who stay behind,” especially when minors have to assume “surrogate motherhood” roles after their mothers are forced to migrate, according to activists from the Las Venancias collective.
“In practice, there are many cases of older sisters or brothers, who, despite being teenagers, are burdened with tasks that are not their responsibility and for which they are not prepared,” the advocates pointed out through their social media.
Concepción, now 34 years old, is one such case. Twenty years ago, when she was only 14, she had to take on the role of “surrogate mother,” raising her three siblings, who were then 7, 12, and 13 years old, respectively, after her mother had to leave northern Nicaragua for Costa Rica to provide better economic conditions for her four children.
She highlighted that her mother was forced to migrate after the death of the children’s father and the subsequent fracturing of the family’s economy.
Concepción explains that although an adult uncle moved in with them and managed the remittances, he had severe alcohol problems, which not only failed to help but also forced the minors to take care of him.
Consequences of Being a Minor “Surrogate Mother”
In her second year of high school, Concepción told LA PRENSA, she had to take on all household tasks, including washing, cooking, attending school meetings, paying bills, looking after her siblings’ health, and ensuring that her uncle did not spend the remittances on alcohol.
“It affected me a lot due to the overload of responsibilities. Taking on all the care tasks as a teenager was too much responsibility. I lived those 15 months, because then my mother returned, with a lot of insecurity, fear, and anxiety about my surroundings. My uncle, who was supposed to take care of us, drank a lot, and we had school problems; our grades suffered, and one of us even dropped out for a year,” Concepción recalled.
She explains that although she was a full-time surrogate mother for her siblings for only 15 months, it left her with anxiety issues due to the high levels of worry and insomnia she experienced during that time.
Girls Are “Mothered”
A psychology specialist, consulted anonymously by LA PRENSA, indicated that this type of situation where girls or teenagers have to assume the role of mother in a household also occurs when mothers have to go to work, leaving the eldest daughter with the enormous responsibility of caring for her siblings in the absence of a support network.
The specialist emphasized that these minors “do not live their childhood according to what it means” and are children “growing up alone, not living through their stages, maturing too quickly, with no time to cry or feel the clear pain of separation from their mothers because they are burdened with adult responsibilities.”
Some of the consequences for these minors who take on these roles, which the specialist also views as “mothering,” include becoming shy, withdrawn, and not fitting in with their peers. They feel out of place among their contemporaries because they are not living through their stages.
Additionally, they suffer from a sense of inadequacy due to a lack of growth opportunities because “all the effort they make is to ensure their siblings are well cared for, which feels like a form of self-abandonment, leading them to feel incapable of advancing.”
Furthermore, the expert notes that minors subjected to these caregiving roles may feel the need to escape from this responsibility and may easily find a man who, despite her being a teenager, to take care of them. However, what they are really seeking is to escape feeling vulnerable, often falling into the hands of abusive men and early motherhood.
Nicaragua has always been a migrant country, but one that returned sooner or later to its roots, this type of sacrifice, of leaving your children with another person who may or may not be someone responsible, has become a custom.
When will be the day when Nicaragua will be a country with decent wages, a country where you don’t need to migrate to survive and where adult responsibilities do not touch those who are just growing up?