Where Do Our Prayers Go?
HAVANA TIMES – A woman, who later became my friend, recently informed me of her intention to sell me the medical books she has at home. I told her that was fine.
When I arrived at her address, she led me into her son’s room, where an entire set of books from his medical studies were on the wall.
She began taking each one down, wiping off the dust, and dictating the title, author and the price she was asking for each. Books that were nearly new, complete, without any missing pages, which I could, in turn, sell for excellent prices.
We were in the middle of this task when I couldn’t help blurting out the question: “Doesn’t it distress you to be getting rid of these volumes?” She worked as a nurse for many years, and later ended up changing jobs in many places.
“I’ve already shed my tears over this,” she answered. “Screaming, bewailing – I’m over it now. It doesn’t spark anything anymore, and I believe that what I’m doing is what I need to do.” I was struck by her response, and want to make it my own everyday answer.
She also shared that she had prayed fervently for her only son to opt for a medical career. However, after achieving it he didn’t like it, and changed to physical therapy. That’s fine, she and her husband said, that other field is also lovely. In the end, though, their son decided to abandon that, too, in order to go “leaping” across borders, a process no longer unknown to Cubans. We may even have dug our own trail from Nicaragua on northwards. The kid was stalled for a time in Tapachula, Mexico, but – thanks to Divine Providence – is now in the United States, working, just as he wished.
I wished her young man all the luck in the world, and the same to his mother who received me. I thanked her for having chosen me for her farewell to the books – probably her last goodbye to one of those dreams that you cherish in your heart. All too often, compelling circumstances, stronger than we ourselves, end up imposing their will, and we’re left to assume our stance of tolerance and acceptance. That’s the healthiest and most mature attitude we can embrace as individuals, in order to continue treating ourselves and other people well.
I got home and recounted this experience to my mother and my aunt, and wondered with them: Where do our prayers go?
We don’t know, we shrug our shoulders. Is there any way to know? What we are convinced of is the need to try again and again, and not lose faith at any time. To try and create a better present, with its changes and blessings, while not losing ourselves in that idea that the best time was the past.
To cultivate hope as an asset that’s mine and ours, and feel it’s the latest fashion – that’s what my mind counsels me. To build a life amid the chaos we could call Cuba.
Read more from the diary of Lien Estrada here on Havana Times.