Adolescence is a Difficult Time
HAVANA TIMES – I recently finished watching the British mini-series “Adolescence,” which evoked memories of that difficult stage in my life.
It’s true that during this period a wall arises between the youth and the adults, with a distancing that often threatens the physical and mental health of the former. However, the parents also bear a significant burden. There are events whose consequences are serious, the worst of them involving death.
This television production is devastating. It invites reflection on the part of family members and others involved not to take this stage lightly, not to isolate themselves from a new world in which young people’s social attitudes can be subject to the influences of online platforms. In this case, the platform is Instagram where Jamie, the protagonist – although he doesn’t post his own stories but is tagged by his friends – undergoes constant put-downs from a female schoolmate, who later ends up murdered.
I’m not interested in moralizing, but the truth is that the Internet and technological development has accentuated still further the isolation between human beings, luring them away from nature and spirituality.
Bullying is a common practice employed by teenagers. You’d have to delve into psychology to seek the reason they become so cruel to each other – especially with their school acquaintances, but also within the family circle, where they mistreat their siblings.
I was victimized by one of my classmates, who habitually did things to me like throwing my backpack to the ground and spilling out its contents. He aimed hurtful comments at me, including about my physical appearance. Despite these occurrences, I never attempted to attack him, only kept my distance.
In the shelter of my own intimacy, I realized that I didn’t fit into any of the school circles. I tried to get in, but in the end, they disillusioned me. Meanwhile, I found absolute peace in literature and writing. I believe that these together were my salvation.
I want to tell you about something that happened in my neighborhood two months ago. A young man died after ingesting the “chemical,” that new drug that’s going around. They say he was also taking antibiotics for some kind of illness.
Andres had been doing his military service, working in an institution in this zone. His mother was bringing him his food that night, when she found him lying on the bathroom floor. He was inert, no longer breathing.
They say he was addicted to the substance, and his parents knew it but tried to cover it up. That same day, someone saw a man in the vicinity selling the toxin.
A woman in the dental office I go to told me that around the corner from the “Aristides Viera” high school on 18th street here in Miramar neighborhood – the school where my son studied – she saw a guy who looked like a beggar putting together the little packets of the Chemical on the sidewalk, in full view of everyone. I asked her why she didn’t alert the principal and the teachers at the school, to which she responded by alleging that this same school had expelled a teacher who was selling the drug to the students.
In the large government media like the one Television News program, there’s been coverage of the increase of the drug in Cuba. They’ve even offered statistics on the quantities of the drug that have come in by sea and air. Videos posted on social media show people who look like Zombies under the effect of the drugs. It’s terrible to see how people fall into that terrible web and become useless.
I always talk with my son and warn him about the risk of taking drugs and their consequences. He’s now twenty-five. None of his friends use drugs, they merely drink beer when they’re going out in public. When he was in junior high school, they tried weed, something very common, to which all of us at one time or another had access.
You can’t remain outside what the young people are doing, even though it’s true they flee the company of adults and trust more to their peers. But the most essential thing is to try to forge some ties, try to penetrate their world without violating their privacy; participate together with them in their tastes and activities.
As a father of two boys, I deeply resonate with Irena’s reflections. My sons are now in their late teens and early twenties, but when they were younger, I often found myself consumed with worry, especially about the dangers of illicit drugs.
Cannabis experimentation is one thing, but the landscape today is far more perilous than it was in our youth. Many of the substances now in circulation can be lethal in microgram doses. That reality haunted me for years. I’m grateful that while my eldest did explore cannabis, that was the extent of it. Even more so, I’m thankful that my youngest found his passion in athletics – competing at provincial level – which kept him focused and gave drugs no appeal.
I also count myself lucky that both of them used the Internet as a tool for growth. My eldest taught himself how to build computers, assembling his first one at just twelve. My youngest, on the other hand, has a fascination with world geography and languages – his knowledge still amazes me.
That said, the emotional distance that came with adolescence wasn’t easy. I struggled with their withdrawal. Unlike me – had open, constant dialogue with my parents, even with my friends’ parents – my boys often chose solitude. At times, I feared something was wrong. So discovering that they were quietly exploring their worlds in meaningful ways was both humbling and a great relief.
None of us can predict the future. But if we’ve taught our children the right values – that bullying is never acceptable and often says more about the bully than the victim, that defending the vulnerable is a noble act, and that time is best spent on constructive pursuits – then we can rest easier, knowing we’ve laid a strong foundation.
Of course, we hope they’ll grow into kind, responsible adults, build families of their own, and lead fulfilling lives. But even if their paths diverge from our hopes, our love remains steadfast. We do what we can as parents – the rest, we entrust to them.