HAVANA TIMES — At the places I regularly go, La Casa de la Amistad, El Submarino Amarillo, La Maison, where rock music takes control, I meet friends in their 50s whose view of sex has changed after menopause. They are experiencing it in different ways and this is what they told me, some more openly, others with a bit more moderation.
According to Ana Lidia (who is divorced), there is no limit and she chases after every man in front of her. She’s a predator and she says so herself: “I ask the guy I like up front whether he wants to have sex. If the guy says yes, we go looking for a room to rent. Sometimes, I even pay and I don’t mind. I can’t at home because I have my daughter and mother there.
I get possessed with this violent desire to suck his dick which excites me and I’m not forgiving if I’ve seen him with another woman before. That’s why I have gotten into messes and I have had to come to blows with some tarts. You know that when alcohol goes to your head, your blood boils. I continue to be a freak and promiscuous. Although I’ve also had some bad experiences in my drunken state; some guys have fucked me and then left me there, sometimes they steal money from my purse. But, what the hell, it was worth it!”
Nora is a woman who has just fought a disease, she lost a breast in surgery and was given a silicone one, but that doesn’t stop her from enjoying good sex with her current partner. She was depressed for years and didn’t even go out. The last thing she wanted was someone touching her or looking at her naked. One of her friends helped her come out of her isolation and proposed she take part in music and dance as a way to get better. She began to visit these places where rock bands play and her life turned 180. She recovered her health.
She met a younger man and they started a relationship. She tells me they have sex every day. “I’ve got a second chance at life, his sexual fantasies and sex games make me go crazy. I believe that I enjoy it more now than when I was a young girl.” The Karma Sutra is our bedtime reading book. We both love doing the 69! It’s really amazing to feel loved and desired.” We do crazy things together, he makes videos and takes photos of me naked. Because he’s a musician, he tells me I’m his rock muse.”
It’s no secret that when menopause comes, one’s self-esteem takes a blow. That’s what happened to Laura: “When I look at my naked body, I reject the image I see in the mirror. I’m old-looking. Although when I’m dressed and I do myself up, I look good. You know clothes and perfume help…”
“I gave up sex when my vaginal dryness started, my husband’s penis used to hurt me and he isn’t that big. At my menopause appointment, I was prescribed a drug which has hormones, but I got scared and I’ve never used it. I didn’t go to a psychologist either. I had problems with my husband and we separated. Now, I spend my time going out with my friends. We come to these places to dance, we also go to the movies, the theater and camping. I don’t want a husband or anyone to control me. I’m better alone and without sex. There are more important things in life, like my own piece of mind.”
Vivian doesn’t go out looking for sex, she says it’s not the same now at this age, she doesn’t want it with her husband at least. She’s bored of him. However, if she meets a stranger, she’s up for having a sexual adventure. She is a big woman, but she points out that certain men like women like her. I keep myself neat and clean, I even shave because I know that young men like putting their mouths where there isn’t any hair. “I don’t live for sex, but when someone stirs my dormant desires, then I dive right in.”
“I’m crazy,” Yolanda says, “I don’t care if their eight or eighty-eight. I hook up with men and woman my age, or younger, I just want to have sex. That’s why I always come to these places, where there are quite a few available people. People think I’m on drugs and I’m just high on life and always at 1000%. I can handle my drink, but I know when to stop.
I don’t discriminate between men and women. I think I became a bisexual after I turned 50, or maybe I always was and didn’t know it. I have realized that I spent years taking shit and being stupid with long-term partners. You need to know about everything when it comes to sex, wherever an orgasm comes from is always well-received. At least before I’m older and I regret what I didn’t do. When those moments come, I feel like I have new energy and sex is important. As I live by myself, I now understand what free sex is.”