By Irina Pino
HAVANA TIMES – Looking back at the past is a nostalgic act, an attempt to capture the indefinite. You can’t turn back the hands of time.
This happens when you reach a certain age, leaving you perplexed about the future, even more so when this future doesn’t look so bright, especially on our island.
I can’t really believe I’m going to turn 59 years old next March. I know my body tries to remind me from time to time. If I take a peep in the mirror, I see a considerable change: my waist isn’t what it used to be, my breasts aren’t as ample, my skin is dry in places, it’s lost its shine. Crow’s feet surround my eyes, and I have those wrinkles around the mouth that disfigure your lips, like cracks in a building.
When it comes to sex, my libido has dropped, and this fixed idea I had in my youth when it came to sex… well, the page has now turned, and it’s become secondary. I prefer to share a love story with someone now. I had different relationships in the past, I was promiscuous.
Young people call me “señora”, it’s a sign of respect, but I see it more as a sign of my age.
When I walk down the street, I no longer receive catcalls, people barely notice me. But passing by unnoticed is quite nice, I’m peaceful.
I stopped being reckless like I was before, I no longer walk alone at night, nor do I walk around troubled places or neighborhoods.
I have other concerns now. I’m not looking for fleeting pleasure, but something spiritual, something I can hold onto. I focus on communication, on helping my family, my friends, as best I can.
I have lots of ideas and projects for work, poetry books, articles, I don’t have enough time.
I’m always thinking about doing photo features, an activity I enjoy the most, because it’s not only an image captured, but you have to research, discover stories.
Nourishing the soul with culture is necessary, it’s a creed. I read, listen to music, and I also download songs from the Internet, especially classical music.
I go places where rock bands play, I talk, dance. I’m a movie-buff, and I spend hours looking for highlights of contemporary cinema, as well as cult movies.
When it comes to my health, I’m able to take vitamins and medicine thanks to my family living in the US.
I wake up early and go for walks, a comforting exercise, both physically and mentally.
I try to eat as healthily as I can, and to remove the everyday stress of getting food from my life (although I’m not successful a lot of the time), amidst the crisis and growing inflation.
Time doesn’t exist for me, though, on the inside, I’m young, and always waiting for new things to come.