Some Men Don’t Change

They throw themselves into the conquest, they suggest taking you home; they steal a kiss from you in the middle of a dance, or they begin to give you silly compliments.

Irina Pino

Before dancing.

HAVANA TIMES — It’s hard for some men to assimilate the fact that women sometimes don’t want to respond to their sexual advances and try to sidestep them by saying that all they want is a friendship, that they don’t want to get into a relationship… but they pretend to be deaf and blind and insist, in spite of clear signals, they just don’t want to understand that her answer is an “outright no”.

Subtleties are useless, they become bulls (and that’s not an insult to these animals) and they go behind their bullfighter, in pursuit of their target: “women’s warm oven”.

This sometimes happens to me when I visit the Casa de la Amistad or the Submarino Amarillo, both venues dedicated to rock music where people are usually friendly and the majority of men are attentive and pay for women’s beers or drinks.

They start off by looking open, then they try and approach you, not just for physical contact, with a dance, but they suggest getting intimate with each other.

It doesn’t matter if you’re over 50 (like I am), they throw themselves into the conquest, suggest taking you home; they steal a kiss from you in the middle of a dance, or they begin to give you silly compliments.

One night, a young man accompanied me home and when we said goodbye, he planted a sloppy kiss on my lips. It was unexpected and very unpleasant on his part.

Another man, a 30-something year old, took my friend to catch a taxi and bit her arm before she got into it.

I met one guy, who was pleasant and intelligent, who used to talk to me quite frequently, we shared similar interests, but he made the mistake, one night, of asking me if I knew anywhere that rented out rooms so we could go together…

Why don’t they check themselves a little? It’s wrong to force situations. Why don’t they accept that they aren’t always charming as a natural fact? That they piss women off with their uncontrollable desire.

Putting “the cart in front of the oxen” isn’t a good thing. They should at least first strike up a friendship and then, slowly, if there is interest, move towards something more. They do everything the other way around.

At the Casa de la Amistad

It’s true that every woman has their own style, but a good conquest satisfies any woman. Reaching the clitoris before even kissing her isn’t the same.

Many women don’t react to these overbearing incentives, if they don’t come with interesting subjects.

Female psychology is complicated, you need to observe the continent and then have a look at its content. There are very different situations to explore. Tenderness in men is declining.

But, if a woman jumps into his flirting game or his whoring (in the best sense of the word), she’s labeled “easy” and people say: “she’s only good for emptying into”. And they become discouraged immediately, because “emptying” isn’t having sex, just kisses and squeezing.

As someone who doesn’t mince their words, I always tell them to their face: “There’s not the slightest bit of attraction between us; but we can be friends without sex…”

Even though these cutting words bother them, they are necessary to scare off these “easy ones”. Those who knock back a drink without even enjoying it.

Irina Pino

Irina Pino: I was born in the middle of shortages in those sixties that marked so many patterns in the world. Although I currently live in Miramar, I miss the city center with its cinemas and theaters, and the bohemian atmosphere of Old Havana, where I often go. Writing is the essential thing in my life, be it poetry, fiction or articles, a communion of ideas that identifies me. With my family and my friends, I get my share of happiness.



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