Weddings… What a Joke!

By Irina Pino

HAVANA TIMES – I don’t like weddings. A pastel pink and white cake is like a bland marriage.

Yesterday, I went to my friend’s son’s wedding and I realized how boring these ceremonies usually are; at least church weddings are elegant, and they have that solemn air that makes us feel the phrase “until death do us part” is real, although this sacred union is normally broken later and the couple send everything to hell.

Old people, children of all ages, even babies (who don’t even know why they are there), cousins, uncles and aunts, a bunch of relatives, friends, and those who come along to just have a good time, normally attend. The couple of honor are the ones who have the least amount of fun, in their rigid suit and dress, greeting everyone, without a second to sit down.

Some guests don’t get up from their seats and talk about trivialities, while others hover about the alcoholic drinks like flies. There are people who even have the nerve to talk badly about the poor buffet, about how if the couple don’t cut the cake it’s because they’re going to eat it between them at home… This is what happens in Cuba.

It just so happens that the bride normally ends up being a target for other people’s criticism, for example: if she is pregnant when she gets married and her bump is noticeable, comments abound: something along the lines of “you can see it even though she’s wearing a corset”, “poor kid got saved by the bell and won’t be a bastard”, “is it the groom’s kid, or is he taking it on?”

I think having a wedding and spending money you don’t have is a truly stupid thing to do, the aftershock is huge. Why fill up other people’s stomachs at the expense of your parents’ and your own pockets?

Running away somewhere with a beach is a more attractive idea and will be unforgettable.

Running away to Paris, any city in Italy, Las Vegas, maybe New York, must be exciting for those who can afford to do it.

At least in the US, guests have the courtesy of giving presents and envelopes full of cash to the newly-weds. Not a bad custom, depending on how practical and useful the donations are.

My cousin, who was born in the US, got married years ago to her high-school sweetheart. Her parents spent a fortune on the party. There was a DJ, waltz and they ordered delicious canapes. A year later, the young couple got divorced. She barely kept the photos and videos of the wedding. The boy was wiped off her hard disc forever.

A friend told me a story that made me laugh: him and his girlfriend got married during the Special Period in Cuba. They got married so they could buy the cheap crates of beer that were allocated to newly-weds and sell them. A business that gave them money to buy food, which wasn’t easy to come by back then.

A whole treatise could be written about weddings here. Maybe it’s an interesting thing to do so that everyone has their own story to tell.

I made the mistake of inviting my boss to my wedding. When she saw an imitation pearl necklace around my neck, she predicted tears and pain in my marriage.

To put the icing on the cake, my future husband came to the wedding absolutely wasted.

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Irina Pino

Irina Pino: I was born in the middle of shortages in those sixties that marked so many patterns in the world. Although I currently live in Miramar, I miss the city center with its cinemas and theaters, and the bohemian atmosphere of Old Havana, where I often go. Writing is the essential thing in my life, be it poetry, fiction or articles, a communion of ideas that identifies me. With my family and my friends, I get my share of happiness.

Irina Pino has 266 posts and counting. See all posts by Irina Pino

5 thoughts on “Weddings… What a Joke!

  • A sad reflection of failure. For those who have been successful in having happy marriages, nothing brings more joy. Meeting the right partner in life and giving allegiance to each other brings vast reward. I know.

  • What you wrote was cynical in a cute way.

  • Very interesting article Irina. Wedding customs are so similar all over the world: Uganda has a tribal celebration And an expensive showy “White” wedding. Indians may invite 1000 guests to serve tradition and look good in the eyes of the community.
    After my small wedding and quiet honeymoon, my new husband left me in the lobby of our hotel without a room key and was asleep when I finally got into the room. I cried myself to sleep, knowing that I had made a costly mistake.

  • Good articke. Lots of truth be told. Romanticizing marriage is a big mistake since over half end in unhappiness and divorce

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