Irina Pino

Photo: Danza Abierta

HAVANA TIMES — We should have relationships made up of three or four partners. Love and sex know no rules – we are not monogamous by nature. People merely imagine that we are and live with this false concept as something pre-ordained by nature. Breaking with these rules would be a form of liberation. Not long ago, I read the following in an article:

 “For psychotherapist Sara-Anne de Sait-Hubert, classical morality is no longer suited to the amorous psychology of contemporary society. Today, we are moving beyond the “I love / I love not” dichotomy to accommodate a whole range of gradations. Helen Fisher, the author of revolutionary studies on the physiological determinants of love and relationships insists that our “animality” plays a more important role than we think when we choose partners.

“Our ‘amorous’ brain – to call it that – is divided into three poles: the sexual brain, the romantic brain and the affective brain. The first works on the basis of libido, the second through love and the third through affective ties. The curious thing is that they don’t always work at the same time or with the same person.”

If we’re not made to love a single person, if there are different ways of loving, I wonder why we are unable to live with two or more individuals whom we love. It is impossible to find everything we need in a single person, and what we try to do is have that one person fit our mold of ideal love (the one we’ve fashioned for ourselves), in order to become disappointed, think that we have made a mistake and continue dreaming of finding our soul mate.

Take me as an example: I don’t have a single male type I like. I like extravagant guys like Steven Tyler (the lead singer of Aerosmith), intelligent and tender fellows like George Harrison and charming and protective types like American actor Yull Brinner (that is to say, three different types of men).

It would therefore be extremely interesting to live with the three. I would have a wild, passionate sex life with one, a loving relationship with another, and friendship and affection with the third. We would of course support one another in educating our children and developing our artistic interests. We would do housework together and have joint expenses.

We would live together under the agreement that, were anything to destroy this partnership, we would understand and assume the situation like mature people who were aware of the risks such amorous relationships entail.

Such relationships are far from easy, especially when jealousy, competition, inferiority complexes and other factors come into play. The idea, however, isn’t bad, particularly in this day and age, plagued by so much financial uncertainty.

If monogamous relations were created to ensure the rule of Capital, we must now develop ways of expanding the realm of our feelings and desires in order to sustain and develop ourselves in all senses of the word.


Irina Pino

Irina Pino: I was born in the middle of shortages in those sixties that marked so many patterns in the world. Although I currently live in Miramar, I miss the city center with its cinemas and theaters, and the bohemian atmosphere of Old Havana, where I often go. Writing is the essential thing in my life, be it poetry, fiction or articles, a communion of ideas that identifies me. With my family and my friends, I get my share of happiness.

5 thoughts on “Some Remarks on Polyamorous Relationships

  • This is the worst essay with the greatest first and last paragraphs ever.

  • STEVEN TYLER!!! He is a washed up drug addict that has had so many face lifts that his eyes snap shut if he tries to smile… And Viagra with STD’s are an option… And George Harrison and Yul Brenner are both dead, so that is really necrophilia… Well I guess one out of three is not too bad… Oh sorry Irina you were talking about personalities… Whatever gets you through the night… Is alright, it’s alright… John Lennon…

  • In theory sure it sounds feasible BUT in practice is another thing. I mean we have enough problems with just two people in a relationship!
    We have a lot of emotions that is what makes us humans, being jealous or being competitive and complexes are not bad traits it is only bad when you obsessed about them and let them control you and dominate your life.

    jealousy, competition, inferiority complexes
    jealousy, competition, inferiority complexes
    jealousy, competition, inferiority complexes

  • I believe it is almost genetically impossible for a Cuban woman to accept let alone support sharing her significant other with another woman. I get punched by my Cuban wife if she senses I am even thinking about another woman. Likewise, I would imagine no Cuban man would be willing to share his partner with another man. Notwithstanding what Cuban men and women do who have partners who prostitute themselves, I just don’t think it is culturally possible for Cubans to have polyamorous relationships.

  • I am a woman and have been considering this for quite some time. I want to live with two men. I think it would be really challenging for latin men, who I am more accustomed to. I saw this in a Woody Allen movie called Whatever Works. I am going to keep trying to get there. I laugh that you mention Yul Brenner. His picture is on my desk. He is my favorite man in the world!

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