Luis Rondon Paz

Departure area of the Jose Marti Airpot in Havana.

HAVANA TIMES – A few weeks ago, I wrote several poems and I reveal my feelings and determination in one of them to not form part of a reality that has been killing me slowly.

I thought that I would never have to leave my country, but life, and my actions (which I don’t regret, because they are a part of my freedom of thought), have put me in a situation where I didn’t have any other choice but to emigrate, for political reasons in my case.

Today, I am living outside of Cuba. I am afraid to disclose where I currently am for my own security and, maybe, out of paranoia. And I believe that out of respect for my readers, and to be consistent with an article I published here on Havana Times, two years ago, I must apologize for having sworn that I would never look for my freedom elsewhere.

So as not to drag this article out, I am publishing a poem which summarizes how I felt in Cuba over the past nine months and my determination to not form part of a reality anymore that was slowly mutilating my thoughts.

No more island

Time’s up for me
I lost my patience somewhere
The burden of so much pain has broken my fighting spirit
I need to breathe
I’m out of air,
I can’t move a finger, even though my hands aren’t tied.
I can’t say a single word, even though my mouth isn’t gagged.
I can’t take a step forward, even though my legs are strong and can run long distances.

My hopes of this island being free like I dreamed,

Have been broken.

I don’t smell like the sea anymore,
I’m not seafoam anymore,
The sun doesn’t reflect in my eyes anymore,
I’m not the moon’s accomplice anymore.

Oh, the burden of this island!

And this never-ending history which only repeats itself,
Which has caused so much harm
Which has destroyed so much
Which I am afraid will continue to cause so, so, so much harm…

Life is passing me by!

I don’t want to keep dying in this life!

Not like many people are here on this island.
I don’t want to be a slave anymore 
Not like I am here on this island.

I don’t want to be afraid anymore!

Not like I am here on this island.

In short.

I can’t, I don’t want to, I don’t wish to;

Be an island.

Its burden is too heavy,
I feel like a prisoner.
My hands ache,
My legs ache,
My back aches,
My soul aches.

It’s been decided
It’s just an opportunity
The only one I have
There’s no going back
My life is on the line.
And it will be whatever fate wants,
Because I won’t be anymore
I won’t cry anymore
I won’t bleed anymore
I won’t be here anymore
In this island’s control.

I prefer to cry once
Than spend my lifetime crying

I was wrong when I swore that I would become one more root in this island.

I just can’t.

Luis Rondón

Luis Rondon Paz: Activist, Queer, computer scientist, actor, photographer, student and apprentice journalist. Originally from Santiago de Cuba. I believe that people are life projects in constant transformation. I am consistent and responsible for my actions, committed to just causes and a lover of good deeds. Today I write about Cuba in exile, free of psychological torture and persecution of the Cuban dictatorship.

4 thoughts on “A Gay Cuban Bids Farewell

  • Touching!

  • Luis,
    Can feel your distress… not easy to quit a job, a lover, family… but to quit the country where you were born, it’s a few like dying!
    Wish you the best in the new cuntry that welcomes you.
    I am with you, with all my heart!

  • I wish well, be happy.
    Take Care
    Irene

  • Cuba continues to be drained of its life blood.

    Thank you for the poem.

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